6 Months and Counting

Today is my six month mark. It's a little surreal to think that I've come this far, but I still feel like I have a long way to go.

I've been trying to stay focused on the things that are important: school, music, family, and the gospel. It isn't always easy, and I find myself wandering. I'm working really hard to find myself. The real me, not the person I was before.

Last night I had a long talk with one of my dearest friends. I expressed my worries of relapse and feeling like I was so far behind. There are days when I hit an emotional wall and I'm not sure how to move forward. All of these fears are because I am now simply on my own without a constant safety net. I am now at a point where people see that I can succeed, but it is up to me to keep going.

She reassured me that I was right on schedule. And that all of these emotions were due to peeling back the layers, like an onion, of scar tissue. All of the hurt that I have caused, people that I have bruised, and decisions that I made...are coming to a head. I'm finally realizing the magnitude of it all. Sometimes it's tough to stay on this road, but I know that I have to.

As I look back on the last six months it seems like a lifetime ago. There are so many things that I can't remember, details, names, people. That is a very foreign feeling because I feel like I have a top notch memory. I think that I've told many people that, but it really is like a dream. The last three years of my life didn't really exist. I'm now just picking up where I left off after high school.

Today is my six month mark, but the journey is just beginning.